Little Steps of Joy

After loss, feeling real joy in your heart again takes time. We put on a mask of pretence for others – a fake smile, saying all is well, when inside we are a crumpled mess – because nobody likes a misery. It’s hard. Moments of unexpected joy can turn into guilt and tears in seconds. It’s an automatic reaction we cannot control. We feel survivor’s guilt – we shouldn’t be happy when they’ve lost their life and so we don’t allow ourselves that joy. It’s not a conscious thing, it just happens. One minute we can be singing to a song and then we realise we are happy and in an instant – joy, guilt, tears in quick succession, before we know it.

You can, however, learn to change this automatic reaction. Tell yourself – if you’re happy, he’s happy. You know he would wish that for you. Make it your mantra. Write it down, stick it on your fridge. Then make a point of doing one thing each day, that you enjoy, and little by little you will start to feel that you can do it without the tears and guilt and it will grow from there.

When do you have those moments? Tell us in the comments below.

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