Stories & Prompts,  Writing


A Writing Exercise

We were given the prompt of ‘Betrayal’ and 20 minutes to write a quick story. What would you write? Why not give it a try. This is mine…

It was 5.30pm as Louise touched the little foot pushing through her belly. Perfect timing, she thought. Although she was only twenty-three, the weight of her baby was tiring her and the hot weather didn’t help. She was in good spirits though. She and Edward had recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary and today it was Edward’s birthday, so there was even more celebration to come. He was going to pick her up from the office, so they could have a nice evening at their favourite restaurant in town.

Now she was six month’s pregnant, Louise found that she didn’t fancy cooking much after a day at work and was really looking forward to the meal. Edward had taken the day off to play golf with his friends and she knew he’d be in a good mood, as he usually won most games. She picked up the phone and rang down to reception.

“Hi Rachel, is my hubby there yet?”

“Hello, I was just about to ring you. He popped in earlier to say he can’t pick you up and left some money for you to get a taxi home. I meant to ring earlier, but the phones haven’t stopped. Sorry!”

“Oh!” Louise was a bit surprised, but wondered if he’d got a late game of golf or something. “I’ll be down in a minute. Thanks.”

Louise decided to save the money for her baby fund and take a bus home. However, with hindsight she wished she had taken the taxi. Her feet ached as she waited for the number 56 to arrive. The sun was still quite hot and if the woman behind, pushed her wheelie bag into her legs one more time, she was going to scream. The bus arrived ten minutes late and was almost full, but she managed to find a seat. The smell of sweat and smoke wafting off people’s clothing, made her feel sick and the bumpy ride hurt her swollen belly. A little boy was sat behind her and kept pulling on the back of her seat and screeching at his mother. Her patience was wearing very thin and all thoughts of her lovely evening had diminished. At the back of her mind she wondered why Edward had not picked her up. She was relieved when they finally reached her stop and she couldn’t get off the bus quick enough.

As she walked up the path towards her front door, she got that niggling feeling again. She rummaged about in her bag for her key.

“Blasted bag, I can never find things,” she mumbled. “Must get another one, oh there it is.” She opened the door and called for Edward, but there was no answer, just an eerie silence. The bus trip had taken forever, and she was sure that he would have been back by now. Louise dropped her bag in the hall and went through to the kitchen where she saw a note on the table. Probably instructions about tonight, she thought as she opened it.

“Dear Louise, I’ve left you. I’ve taken the car and enclose a cheque for your share of it and you can keep the house.  Edward.’ Louise was stunned. She sat down on the chair and read the note over and over, hoping to find an explanation somewhere on the paper, or even a ‘sorry’, but it was the same cold words each time she read it. She was at a loss as to what to do. There had been no signs of unhappiness, they rarely rowed and the last few days had been really good. She instinctively touched her baby.

“Why has he done this to us?”

Louise wandered around the house in a daze, going from room to room hoping that itSad pregnant woman was all a mistake and she would find him sat down somewhere, but each room was bare.  No TV, no video, no hi-fi, not even any furniture. She headed upstairs; no clothes, no suitcase, no toothbrush, no aftershave. Her house was as empty as she felt. There were no tears, just shock and disbelief. Edward had only left a few bits and pieces and their unmade bed. That was the ultimate insult to her. He had taken everything, but their bed, as if to say the time spent in it was of no interest to him; the fact that they had conceived their first child in it, meant nothing to him. Louise didn’t care about their things, what she wanted to know was why? Why had he done this and in such a cruel way, she didn’t deserve any of it. In despair she ripped the sheets from the bed shouting at him.

“You bastard, I hate you, I hate you!” She slumped on the bed and buried her face in the sheets still in her hands, trying to smell the last of his scent, trying to hold onto every last bit of him. She lay there for some time, the heat of the day, the horrible bus trip, her aching body and this betrayal was too much to bear and she was so tired that she dozed off for a while.

When she awoke she was confused for a moment and wondered why she was on the bed, then it all came flooding back. Her whole body felt like a lead weight and she just wanted to die, but she forced herself off the bed, picked up the sheets, took them downstairs and put them in the washer. She stood staring at them rolling around in the soapsuds scared of what the future was going to hold for her now, worried about giving birth without Edward by her side and how she would cope with a job and bringing up a baby alone. The tears started to fall softly down her cheeks as the realisation finally hit her.

Image courtesy of StockImages/

Email Me Yours – Feel free to email me your stories and I will put the best 2 on the site. Don’t forget it’s a 20 minute writing exercise, so don’t spend days honing a 3-pager. Just cut and paste your story into the message box on my Contact page.

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